silver_dragon_girl Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. How fast his new relationship is moving. landygirl Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. Anthony Leonson Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. I will chalk you up as being an internet hairpuller. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! Or pining away for a father figure theyll never, ever have? He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. Its not a gender-based law. datechguy Because the one who is raising the kid is obviously already supporting it. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). He could be the a killer robot. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. There is no such assumption in this case- its more like handing the baby off to some nice-looking person he met in the grocery store and hoping for the best. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. 22. . I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. 2. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A
Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. We all know breakups are painful. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. bittergaymark Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. What if she believes than an abortion is murder? reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A
-Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. Not good enough. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. Now? Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. Chuck Pelto Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. Whats the matter? Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along Steve Kellmeyer ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. They had just gotten back together after finding out she was pregnant. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. Fyrebyrd2 Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. female
If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. Again, no. female
I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. hamster van beethoven The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Its painfully obvious. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. I mean, seriously. No. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. It has nothing to do with the man. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. And it seems to me that he isnt looking to get back together with you because hell die without you; it seems like hes trying to escape the clutches of responsibility by retreating to what he knows As in, someone who takes no issue with his immaturity and irresponsibility. That should have been the end of it. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? Made my day! I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A
Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. That is what passes for reality in your world? Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? The guy and the woman had sex. iseeshiny Because he had sex? it happens. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. she's a real bitch. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. Thats seriously not cool. You have no opinion in this matter. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. I love your snark this morning!! And he took on the consequences. Lucky us. The dude having sex is not my issue. He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. It's like she's a completely different person. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? Chuck Pelto Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. Guess what LW? I feel so depressed about everything. Also, just food for thought, a lot of you are saying how horrible it is he wants nothing to do with his child but is willing to pay for itwould you say the same thing to someone who gave their kid up for adoption? Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. LW, your anger is misdirected. Cmon now, youd never buy that argument for forcing the woman to have the child. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. Image Source. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! I know, right? April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. Step away slowly. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. But woman, grow the hell up. No it isnt. Placement deals with where they are physically. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. Unless youve been there, you dont know. No one called him a criminal. He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. There is no way to know this. What a door mat you are! Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. Yes, no birth control is perfect, blah blah. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. That goes for women as well. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. They arent bad people because of it. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. 9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A
Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. No, but both partners have to accept the fact that having sex means that pregnancy might occur. That fact just rubs me the wrong way. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. He can just disappear forever for all I care. Because you sound about 17. The key if you do decide to engage- keep it as civil and reasoned as possible. Sue Jones Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. It takes a man to be a father. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. Just found out my boyfriend got another girl pregnant Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. Ill never in a million years get it. LW- your boyfriend is scum. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. Iwannatalktosampson I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? That wont solve anything. Trap Red Flag #1. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Ex-girlfriend Is Pregnant With Her New Boyfriend's Baby His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. You are too funny John. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. P.S. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. That happens. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. But still a good thing to have. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. kerrycontrary If the woman is not required to support a child This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. They like to entrap men, too. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. He is not the end all and be all. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. He didnt give you another child. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. Their choice, honey. I chose to have a baby. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email!
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